Pain Without End
All about:
a baby lost
How does one fill a yawning chasm that has so suddenly appeared in one's heart and womb? That caved-in feeling, so dark and soul-less: a bottomless pit of nothing that is all that's left after the tears have been spent.
You still long for that tiny heartbeat, so much a part of you in the long months you carried this burgeoning hope and fondest dream, only to have it snuffed away in a tempest, crushing you so you are breathless still.
So longed for and thought of, his very existence was your sustenance. It seemed that you could hold him almost, and smell him almost, and feel his gentle eyelashes tickling your cheek. But men make plans and God laughs, so it seems to you in the very depths of your despair, because he has been torn from you just when you thought he would finally be yours to shelter and adore.
You wonder if there is life after this endless pain, or if he is flitting in the air with gossamer wings even as you commit him to the ground he will never get to toddle upon. And you despair that you will never find room in your heart again. For even now, you can still feel the touch of his tiny hand....
____________________________
Atch's officemate C. lost the baby boy in her womb. It was eight months old. I do not know of any words that can ease her anguish, only words that describe her pain. For it would be my pain too, had it happened to me. Still, words are not enough. Not to sympathize, not to reassure, not words of any nature at all, except in prayer.
Would that her heart be calmed and her soul be stilled, and the emptiness of her womb be filled with one more chance, God willing.
You still long for that tiny heartbeat, so much a part of you in the long months you carried this burgeoning hope and fondest dream, only to have it snuffed away in a tempest, crushing you so you are breathless still.
So longed for and thought of, his very existence was your sustenance. It seemed that you could hold him almost, and smell him almost, and feel his gentle eyelashes tickling your cheek. But men make plans and God laughs, so it seems to you in the very depths of your despair, because he has been torn from you just when you thought he would finally be yours to shelter and adore.
You wonder if there is life after this endless pain, or if he is flitting in the air with gossamer wings even as you commit him to the ground he will never get to toddle upon. And you despair that you will never find room in your heart again. For even now, you can still feel the touch of his tiny hand....
____________________________
Atch's officemate C. lost the baby boy in her womb. It was eight months old. I do not know of any words that can ease her anguish, only words that describe her pain. For it would be my pain too, had it happened to me. Still, words are not enough. Not to sympathize, not to reassure, not words of any nature at all, except in prayer.
Would that her heart be calmed and her soul be stilled, and the emptiness of her womb be filled with one more chance, God willing.
7 comments:
Simply painfully beautifully written.
My condolences to the mother, and father, that is, without a single doubt, my worst nightmare.
xbox - mine too. She's very fragile right now. The dad is still in denial. He's going around carrying pictures of his poor dead son.
gosh, this is so sad.
How sad. And what's even more painful is the fact that the baby is already eight months old. The parents must be devastated.
I distinctly remember what my grandmother said when my aunt died, "I have lost parents, siblings and a husband but there is nothing more painful than to lose your own child."
monaco - they are. It was a first baby, too. And a son. I can't imagine what it'd be like if I lost any of my kids. I'd probably end up committed to a mental institution.
My worst nightmare as well. Even though I don't know them, or you even, please let them know that my thoughts and prayers are with them. I can not imagine the unbearable pain they are going through. No one should ever have to feel that pain.
I'm off to kiss my kids, and thank God once again for allowing me to be their mother.
nobe - yes, very sad indeed.
dana b. - I will. And I thank you in their behalf for your sympathy and prayers. We are so blessed to be able to have and hold our children.
Post a Comment