Conversations With My Son

Woog (lounging at dinner table): Mom, where's the shooter of Rodimus? I can't find it.

Mom (busy rummaging in pantry): I don't know Woog...mutter...mutter....you were the one playing with it.

Woog: (whining): But I shot the shooter and it fell near you, and now I can't find it!

Mom: Woog, I'm busy. Why don't you use your eyes instead of your mouth and come look for it here.

Woog: But I can't find it!

Mom: Woog, I can't do everything all at once!

Woog: But you're my Mommy!

*****

Eli (tries to grab Woog's toy machine gun) Aaaaaaah! Waaaa-aaaaah!

Mom (busy making bed): Woog, lend Eli your toy, please.

Woog: It's too big for him, Mom.

Mom: He'll get tired of it in a while, just please lend it to him. Set a good example. Don't be greedy.

Woog: I'll give him the small gun. Here Eli, you can have this. (hands over small plastic handgun)

Eli (still crushing on big machine gun): WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Mom: Woog, just please lend that big gun to Eli, ok? Please?

Woog (sternly): This is not for you, Eli. Guns are violent. Don't play with guns. (*rat-a-tat-tat-tat-tat!*)

*****

(In car, on the way to school)

Mom: Woog, copy your assignment properly, ok?

Woog: Yes.

Mom: Listen to the teacher and be a good boy, ok?

Woog: Yes.

Mom: Are you going to finish your lunch and sleep this afternoon?

Woog: Yes.

Mom: Are you going to lock all the doors again like you did yesterday?

Woog: Yes.

Mom: !!!

Mom: Woog are you listening to Mom?

Woog: Okay...okay...what did you say, Mom?