Chokehold Hugs and Razor Kisses

Tell me, honestly...would you yell at your 10-month old baby?

How would you when he greets you each night as you come home from work like you're the dearly beloved one that he hasn't seen in years. The delighted screams, the excited gurgles...oh, and the wonderfully asphyxiating way he latches on to your neck with both sausage arms...and the sweetly saturated smooches he slobbers upon your cheeks and your chin,

"Um-bwuh, um-bwuh, um-bwuh!"

he goes. And wouldn't you just know it, his passionate nature suddenly kicks in and he decides to kiss you open-mouthed, with teeth - all three of them.

It is at this point that you recoil in pain and try to disengage yourself from Mr. Sucky-face, and you go

"Owww! No, Eli. No biting. Biting hurts."

pro-forma, according to all the parenting advise you've read in dozens of baby books both in print and on-line.

But does this razor-toothed eel get it? Noooooooo. He rears his head back and lets out a throaty giggle, making your heart melt, just before he plunges back down and goes to work on your ear.

"OWWWWW! Eli, stop that. No biting. Please."

"Eh-hek-e-hek-hek-hek! Eeeeee! Um-bwuh, um-bwuh, um-bwwwwuh!"

So tell me, would you yell?

Too sharp for words

Even as you lie in bed at night with an uncomfortably twisted head, because he is nose-to-nose with you, milkily breathing into your face while

choking

hugging your neck and grasping at your ear. Even as you go to work with an angry welt rising on your left cheek where he has ceremoniously bestowed another of his lovingly moist enamel-tipped kisses (while the officemates loudly speculate about the passionate night you must have spent with the husband - lucky, lucky you - and quietly, shamefacedly, you let them).

Attempting to tear Tatay's lips off

Even as you anticipate coming home after work, to behold your beloved biter in all his fat-cheeked fervor, and to begin the jagged-edged welcome home ritual, over and over again.

Tell me...would you yell?